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The Intelligent Designer


Irving Rothchild

Skeptical Inquirer Volume 29.6, November / December 2005

Is it female or male? Does it have any sex?
Does it come with a name, like Jane, Irving, or Rex?
What we need is a super-intelligent definer
To define this uncanny Intelligent Designer!

Has it got any features? Does it have any limbs?
Is it made of dark matter or two-dimensional films?
Among all the world’s gods, is it major or minor?
This amorphous, intangible Intelligent Designer!

Does it live on a planet, a star, or a comet?
Inside a black hole or far, far away from it?
Can it ride on a light beam or something diviner?
This incongruous, elusive Intelligent Designer!

Would a galactic ensemble fit most of it in,
Or is it as small as the head of a pin,
Or perhaps in between, like a grand ocean liner?
This mysterious, pretentious Intelligent Designer!

Does it get a big charge out of making malaria,
Cholera, AIDS, or a cook who’s a carrier
Of typhoid or worms who love to live in your spine or
Your belly? this heartless Intelligent Designer!

Did the brain carcinoma (what’s more unbenigner?)
Come out of the shop of the Intelligent Designer?
Does the tse-tse fly sing a clear thankful hosanna
To the ID every time it makes someone a goner?

Does it have any purpose except to confuse
Bible myths of creation with what scientists use
To learn how designs in nature are made?
This Intelligent Designer — a pointless charade!

Irving Rothchild

Irving Rothchild is Emeritus Professor of Reproductive Biology, Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio.